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Julian Barnes, The Only Story

Wie fast alle Bücher von Barnes stimmte mich dieses meist wehmütig. Und nachdenklich. Und wie immer finde ich es einfach nur bewundernswert wie gut er Erinnerungen, Situationen, Zeiten und Gefühle beschreibt, so gut, dass ich mich kaum davon losreißen konnte und - mal wieder - versucht bin das halbe Buch hier zu zitieren.

We tend to slot any new relationship we come across into a pre-existing category. We see what is general or common about it; whereas the participants see - feel - only what is individual abd particular to them. We say: how predictable; they say: what a surprise! One of the things I thought about Susan and me - at the time, and now, again, all these years later - is that there often didn't seem words for our relationship; at least none that fitted. But perhaps this is an illusion all lovers have about themselves: that they escape both category and description.
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Sad sex is when she is sober, you both desire one another, you know that you will always love her regardless, just as she will always love you regardless, but you - both of you, perhaps - now realize that loving one another does not necessarily lead to happiness. And so your lovemaking has become less a search for consolation than a hopeless attempt to deny your mutual unhappiness.
Good sex is better than bad sex. Bad sex is better that no sex, except when no sex is better than bad sex. Self-sex is better than no sex, except when no sex is better than self-sex. Sad sex is always far worse than good sex, bad sex, self-sex and no sex. Sad sex is the saddest sex of all.
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He had shocked his parents with his sexual behaviour. Now he was shocked when sex was so often portrayed as mindless, heartless, thoughtless shagging. But why the surprise? Each generation assumes that it has got sex just about right; each patronises the previous generation but feels queasy about the succeeding one. This was normal.
As for the wider question of age, and mortality; no, he didn't think he felt a panic at the shutting of the doors. But maybe he hadn't yet heard their hinges creak loudly anough.
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(Julian Barnes, The Only Story, 2018)