17. Mai 195*

Bert und Alice Scholl
sowie ihre Tochter Connie Scholl

sterben bei einer Massenkarambolage auf dem Highway 56, 6 Meilen westlich von Blanchard. Ihre ältere Tochter Suzie überlebt als einzige der Familie den Unfall.

(John D. MacDonald, "Cry hard, Cry fast", 1955

13. Mai 189*

Herr Heidegger

der Deutschlehrer an der namhaften Priory School bemerkt spät in der Nacht, wie einer seiner Schüler, der junge Lord Saltire, entführt wird und wird erschlagen, als er versucht, den Jungen zu retten.

(Arthur Conan Doyle, "The Adventure of the Priory School", aus: "The Return of Sherlock Holmes", 1905)

Und bei diesem Feuerwerk von Gags fällt die Auswahl der besten Zitate echt schwer ..

Lola Johnson: This isn't really going to be your last show, is it?
Garrison Keillor: Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.
Rhonda Johnson: Thank you, Plato.

Yolanda Johnson: How about just a moment of silence?
Garrison Keillor: Silence on the radio... I don't know how that works.

Garrison Keillor: We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

Lefty: Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was already taken.

Al, Stage Manager: About that obscene song you sang last week...
Dusty: "I'll give you my moonshine if you show me your jugs?"

Dusty: [singing] I used to work in Chicago, at a convenience store. / I used to work in Chicago. I did but I don't anymore. / A lady walked in with some porcelain skin and I asked her what she came in for. / "Liquor," she said, and lick her I did, and I don't work there anymore.

Garrison Keillor: The penguin joke? Two penguins are standing on an ice floe. The first penguin says, you look like you're wearing a tuxedo. The second penguin says, what makes you think I'm not?
Dangerous Woman: Why is that funny?
Garrison Keillor: I guess because people laugh at it.
Dangerous Woman: I'm not laughing.
Garrison Keillor: Well, you're an angel.

Lola Johnson: What if you die some day?
Garrison Keillor: I will die.
Lola Johnson: Don't you want people to remember you?
Garrison Keillor: I don't want them to be told to remember me.

Dusty: Hey, uh... hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Lefty: What'd he say?
Dusty: It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

Guy Noir: The show had been on the air since Jesus was in the 3rd grade.

Molly: [to Garrison] The show's running 6 minutes short, Lola is going to sing a song, and your barn doors are open.

Guy Noir: And her hair! It was what God had in mind when he said "Let there be...”
Al, Stage Manager: Hair, right?

Yolanda Johnson: Isn't that a Carter Family song?
Lola Johnson: Who?
Yolanda Johnson: The Carter Family. Like us, only famous.

Jearlyn Steele: [singing] Why do you work so hard to get what you don't even want?

Guy Noir: She had a Mount Rushmore t-shirt on, and those guys never looked so good. Especially Jefferson and Lincoln. Kind of bloated but happy.

Dangerous Woman: The death of an old man is not a tragedy. Forgive him his shortcomings, and thank him for all his love and care.

Dusty: [singing] When God created woman / He gave her not two breasts but three. / When the middle one got in the way, / God performed surgery. / Woman stood before God / With the middle breast in hand / Said,"What do we do with the useless boob?" / And God created man.

8. Mai 1890

Cristabel LaMotte

die Dichterin, deren heimliche Liebesbeziehung mit ihrem berühmten Kollegen Randolph Ash über hundert Jahre unentdeckt bleiben wird, findet an diesem Tag endlich ihren Frieden.

(A. S. Byatt, Possession, 1990)

4. Mai 1891

Professor James Moriarty

das Superhirn der Londoner Unterwelt und Sherlock Holmes' Nemesis stürzt bei dem Showdown an den Wasserfällen von Reichenbach in den Tod - und nimmt seinen Erzfeind scheinbar mit ins Grab.

(Arthur Conan Doyle, "The Final Problem", aus "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes", 1893)